Sam is an excellent fellow, and would jump down a dragon’s throat to save you, if he did not trip over his own feet.


that why


that why


if you stretched out an average person’s skin over a football field, you would be arrested and no one would like you or trust you anymore

« Tell me a bedtime story please » — Anonymous


Not many pieces of furniture currently have the capacity for thought.  It’s strange how we have all this computing power, yet we haven’t ever programmed a sofa to compliment you when you sit on it (“have you been working out or is that just my inner stuffing”), or a desk to ask you how your day was. 

"What time is it," you ask your bed.

"10:50," your bed replies, "Way past your bedtime."




a new zine called shitty horoscopes that i’ll be premiering this year at the Toronto Queer Zine Fair, among other things! hopefully i’ll make volumes available for online purchase soon. credit where credit is due: this was inspired by the huge number of made-up horoscopes floating around tumblr lately, and angry-poems.

yup, the Libra one is pretty accurate

little hetero things


color coding your infant children


Chelsea Peretti

Sept. 27 11:23 am